I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
