Having a random hookup so left but love u
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
