Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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