I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
