I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
