he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
