sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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