Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
