census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i would punch a child for taco bell
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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