Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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