Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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