Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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