I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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