Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
