I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
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