I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
