i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
