not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
