where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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