3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
