And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize