Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
