have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
