may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
