life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
