i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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