hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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