I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize