It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
