I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
