guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize