what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
