I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
