It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
