This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
