hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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