Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
