you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
