It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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