All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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