I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
