Moan for me like Helen Keller
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
