I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
