I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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