Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I need a burrito and a hug.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
