only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
