Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
