i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
