kristin has been a bad kristin
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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