i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
