These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
