Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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