No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
