loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
