you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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