you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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