Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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