atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
