ya dads aren't the best wingmen
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
