using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
