Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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