Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize
