hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Randomize
