i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
