I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
