...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
