I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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