I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
