you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
