I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
